After a fun weekend with my Ruby Rose haircut, it was time to say goodbye to my hair. As I went to gel my hair on Monday morning, my hair stuck to the gel on my hands. My hair was shedding fast. I went to Bitz-and-Pieces to have my head shaved and my wig fitted. The experience of having my head shaved was not as traumatic or emotional as I had expected. It just felt like another item that had to be crossed off of my to-do list. I felt lighter after. If it wasn’t for my situation I would never have cut my hair so short or shaved my head. So, in a way, I am grateful to have had this experience.
While I haven’t had a strong reaction to my hair changes, Aidan is having a harder time with it. He has always been attached to my hair. He loved smoothing and rubbing it. At bedtime, he loved when I would shake my hair in his face. I had been preparing him for mommy’s haircut and that mommy would be wearing a wig. I even let Aidan try on my hat wigs to try to get him used to the idea. After my first haircut, I picked Aidan up from school and he didn’t even notice. I loved my short look and Aidan totally didn’t mind. His reaction after I shaved my head is a whole different story.
When he saw my shaved head he was noticeably scared. He wouldn’t come near me and didn’t want me to hug him. He asked me to cover my head and I did. He told me that he only wanted me to have real hair and not a wig (or as he calls it, a “rig”) . I listened and let him express how he was feeling but it made me incredibly sad. To have my 3.5 year old who usually doesn’t leave my side, now not want to touch me or be near me was incredibly traumatizing. I even suggested to Matt that we get Aidan “help” to cope through this. Matt, in his pragmatic ways, told me to give it a few days and that before we know it, Aidan would be back to being my little sidekick.
For the next few days I covered my head with a wig when I was around him so that he would see me with hair. Walking to school one morning he shouted, “Mommy, what’s on your head?” “A hat”, I replied. “No mom, it’s a wig!”
Just as Matt anticipated, it took him a day or two to adjust and let me touch him, but now everything seems normal. I was resting in bed wearing a beanie, without any hair, and Aidan came in to lay with me and didn’t even hesitate. I was relieved. Seeing me without any hair was a huge shock to him and I am happy that he realized that I’m still mommy, hair or no hair.