On Friday morning, exactly two weeks after my first chemotherapy treatment, I woke up and put my hair in a ponytail so that I could go brush my teeth, only to end up with a clump of hair in my hand. I knew that this day would come and honestly, holding the clump in my hand wasn’t as traumatic as I thought it would be. It reminded me that these crazy chemical chemotherapy drugs are working and doing what they are supposed to do.

Since learning that I am definitely going to lose my hair, I decided that I wanted to donate my hair to Locks of Love. I have never been brave enough to cut that many inches off of my hair but figured that since I am going to lose it, now is as good a time as any. I reached out to Davide, the only stylist who I have let cut my hair since I moved to NYC (with the exception of one really bad cut that required an emergency fix) to see if he would help me do it and he agreed.

After spending the morning in Aidan’s classroom “Family Friday”, I walked into Davide’s salon for the big chop. He divided my hair into four ponytails and braided each of them before cutting them off. Holey Moley. Whoever gets this hair is a lucky duck. Holding the braids in my hand- my thick, beautiful healthy hair – was the most surreal feeling. Davide then went on to give me a super chic choppy cut that was way too cool for me but I loved it. I haven’t had short hair since my mom gave me an awful haircut before my kindergarten picture day (mom, don’t you dare share that photo). While this cut is only temporary, before it all falls out, it gave me a taste of what my hair is going to look like when it starts go grow back in, and I’m kind of excited about it.

Huge thanks to Rachel and Samo for coming with me to get my haircut and to Davide for supporting me through this hair journey. I could not think of anyone else who I would let come near me to chop 10 inches of hair! So grateful.

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Spending Passover with my family in Florida is something that I have always looked forward to. More than once (okay fine, every time), I chose to go to Boca Raton instead of spring break with my friends in Mexico. The only time that I ever spent Passover away from my family was during Semester at Sea when I celebrated the holiday in Japan- way too long of a flight to make it to Boca for the Seder. There is something about being in a room with 500 other Jews and eating nonstop that just feels like Passover.

When I was first diagnosed, the original course of treatment was to have the double mastectomy first and chemo after. When I was meeting with my breast surgeon, I asked if it was possible to delay surgery until after the holiday. She did not have any issue with scheduling the surgery for May 2nd, which meant that I would still be able to go on the trip to celebrate the holiday with my family.

Though my doctors were fine with scheduling the surgery for May, many of my family members (none of whom are breast surgeons or oncologists) felt that I was being irresponsible for prioritizing a vacation over my health. Needless to say, this was extremely frustrating. 

After another meeting with my oncologist, she recommended that because of the rapid growth of my tumor, she wanted to start chemotherapy as soon as possible, instead of having my double mastectomy first. This was April 2nd and the date of my first treatment was April 12th, 6 days before I was scheduled to leave for Florida. While making plans for my first chemotherapy treatment, of course I wondered if this meant that I would no longer be able to travel to Florida.

I spoke to my doctors and others who have gone through the same treatments and they all agreed that it is still safe for me to travel as long as I feel up to it. I would need to take precautions to protect myself from getting sick, like wearing a mask on the airplane and disinfecting everything, but other than that, I should have no limitations. 

Even though being in Florida with my family was exactly where I wanted to be, it was exhausting. Spending all day with Aidan and Cooper- swimming, playing, and entertaining them was a lot, but I loved every second. I was not allowed to go in the pool, as my Mediport is still healing, but I watched the boys from the edge and loved seeing how much fun they were having. We were making important family memories that will hopefully carry us through the summer. My family was concerned that I was overdoing it and should slow down but I didn’t want to. Because I knew that I will probably be feeling much worse in the coming weeks, I wanted to soak in every last second of feeling 100%, being in control, and doing whatever I wanted to do.

This statement, “as long as I feel up to it”, has carried a lot more weight over the last few weeks. I can listen to everyone’s opinions of what they think I should or shouldn’t be doing but the truth is, that it is up to me to decide what I can and cannot do. I know that everyone is just looking out for me but it my job to listen to my body and do whatever I want – as long as I feel up to it.

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When I decided that I was going to start a blog I thought that it would be an easy way to share updates with my close friends and family and eliminate the need to send 100 texts and emails after every doctor appointment.

After my diagnosis, I was put in touch with so many friends-of-friends who had gone through the same thing. I have spoken to different women every day, many of whom who have never met me, but still send me texts to see how I am doing. I was so touched that a community of strangers was so willing to share their time talking to me about what I could expect in the coming months. I decided that I did want to share my blog on social media in the hopes that someone else who finds themselves in my situation might stumble upon it and find it helpful. People have told me I’m brave and inspiring, but in reality, anyone that knows me knows that I’m not a private person and am happy to share anything and everything going on in my life. Good or bad, I think it’s important for people to open up as you never know who it will help along the way.

Matt always talks about communication and how important it is, even in the best of times. When things get tougher, it becomes even more important to over communicate to keep things strong. I take this with me not only in our relationship but with friends and family as well, and this blog is just another way for me to communicate.

On Tuesday afternoon, right before boarding a plane back to NY, I decided to post about what has been going on and share my blog on Instagram and Facebook. I did not anticipate the hundreds of responses that I have received. I am completely blown away by every single message of support. People who I haven’t thought about or spoken to in years took the time to send their good wishes. It feels really amazing to know that so many people are sending their good vibes and well wishes. It has meant so much to me and Matt and our hearts are full. Thank you.